Scorching heat of May is a test of endurance in heartland of India. While the country is busy dealing with this test, kids have to deal with another ‘test’. Rather a test after the tests! Come May and it’s time for the final exam results. In my school days, more often than not we had the results on 2nd of May. So early May was generally the time you would take a break from vacation. Some would be back in town while others planned it after the ‘results’. And most of the ‘out of town’ sojourns were to the native place to meet grandparents with a few lucky ones getting the trip of their lifetime to Mahabaleshwar or Matheran- or Kashmir if the gods were too happy to be crazy that year. Kashmir was still a paradise then, and very much part of India.
Day of the result was filled with the usual emotions of excitement, anxiety, (to an extent) fear followed by happiness, disbelief, grief, discontent etc. based on the outcome. In an era where your academic achievements were the sole criteria for success, exam results were bound to generate excitement among parents and others concerned –rather the ones appearing to be concerned. So one single result sheet went through intense scrutiny from various stakeholders obviously with varied outcomes. Some congratulated us on the ‘good’ performance and the ‘better’ prospects while others pointing to the lower scores in math, science, languages, art, and history as per the marks ‘scored’ that year. Not to mention parents of most were swayed by the varying responses and gave ‘appropriate’ feedback to the kids. The entire journey of attending school for 250 odd days, learning things, ‘growing up’, dealing with situations day in and day out, extracurricular achievements and more importantly physical, intellectual and emotional growth , seem to be confined to and judged by a single piece of paper. It was the order of the day and nobody thought beyond the obvious. The evening was filled with felicitation of the ‘rankers’ with the majority others watching their peers rewarded for a feat they dreamt to achieve some day, or may be never thought they would !.
As kid, I went through all the oddities involving school results. I was lucky to be amongst the ‘better performers’. However, that did not prevent me from being subjected to the scrutiny with some ‘advising’ better math skills while others declaring that I did not have good prospects due to my poor ‘art’ skills! Some other ‘uncles’ and ‘aunts’ also thought that my achievements were ‘overrated’ and that I scored marks due to favors by teachers, while a very large number commenting on my ‘not so good’ handwriting ! . I always wondered how they got to know of it, particularly since it did not reflect on my mark sheet! A few others were more forthright in comparison with their kids and would provide ‘feedback’ to either of the kids. Over years, I began to realize that the ‘feedback’ was not a result of my achievements or lack of them, rather that of the perceptions the observers had and the state of our ‘family’ relationships then, besides the other obvious factors like the relative performance of their children! Sadly but surely the triviality of the ‘analysis’ began to sink into me as years progressed. I began to be less and less worried about what ‘others’ said except possibly for my parents (and that too if it were an unbiased feedback) and close friends.
I realized that my final exam results were about me, my class and our teachers. It was time to evaluate if I had performed better than I THOUGHT I COULD! To introspect on my improvement areas. To admire others who performed better. To connect with my classmates and celebrate the successful year, irrespective of how we performed -because we were classmates! To show gratitude to the teachers, parents and to prepare for the upcoming school year. But most importantly it was for my own introspection. Nobody else mattered. I had to be the only person who could and should analyze the results and chart the course ahead. Of course, there would be times in my life when my ‘results’ would be subject to a wider scrutiny and would result in some ‘life altering’ decisions. But that was for future. What mattered now was ME and the piece of paper that lay in my hand. Alas! This realization came to me much later in my school years. But when it did come, I put myself into a habit of ignoring the noises around me and introspecting my shortcomings while I took pride on the areas I thought I did well.
Eventually as a ‘grown up’, I did realize that your ‘results’ – professionally or academically were not meant to be an isolated phenomenon and that perceptions did matter. However, it hardly helped in genuine introspection or course correction since the frame of reference was never static. As like the school days, the ‘journey’ was never discussed while dealing with the ‘results’. I have still carried on with the habit of self-introspection in solitude. For those moments in my life, the world ceases to exist.
Happy anniversary Mr. Modi!!!
Day of the result was filled with the usual emotions of excitement, anxiety, (to an extent) fear followed by happiness, disbelief, grief, discontent etc. based on the outcome. In an era where your academic achievements were the sole criteria for success, exam results were bound to generate excitement among parents and others concerned –rather the ones appearing to be concerned. So one single result sheet went through intense scrutiny from various stakeholders obviously with varied outcomes. Some congratulated us on the ‘good’ performance and the ‘better’ prospects while others pointing to the lower scores in math, science, languages, art, and history as per the marks ‘scored’ that year. Not to mention parents of most were swayed by the varying responses and gave ‘appropriate’ feedback to the kids. The entire journey of attending school for 250 odd days, learning things, ‘growing up’, dealing with situations day in and day out, extracurricular achievements and more importantly physical, intellectual and emotional growth , seem to be confined to and judged by a single piece of paper. It was the order of the day and nobody thought beyond the obvious. The evening was filled with felicitation of the ‘rankers’ with the majority others watching their peers rewarded for a feat they dreamt to achieve some day, or may be never thought they would !.
As kid, I went through all the oddities involving school results. I was lucky to be amongst the ‘better performers’. However, that did not prevent me from being subjected to the scrutiny with some ‘advising’ better math skills while others declaring that I did not have good prospects due to my poor ‘art’ skills! Some other ‘uncles’ and ‘aunts’ also thought that my achievements were ‘overrated’ and that I scored marks due to favors by teachers, while a very large number commenting on my ‘not so good’ handwriting ! . I always wondered how they got to know of it, particularly since it did not reflect on my mark sheet! A few others were more forthright in comparison with their kids and would provide ‘feedback’ to either of the kids. Over years, I began to realize that the ‘feedback’ was not a result of my achievements or lack of them, rather that of the perceptions the observers had and the state of our ‘family’ relationships then, besides the other obvious factors like the relative performance of their children! Sadly but surely the triviality of the ‘analysis’ began to sink into me as years progressed. I began to be less and less worried about what ‘others’ said except possibly for my parents (and that too if it were an unbiased feedback) and close friends.
I realized that my final exam results were about me, my class and our teachers. It was time to evaluate if I had performed better than I THOUGHT I COULD! To introspect on my improvement areas. To admire others who performed better. To connect with my classmates and celebrate the successful year, irrespective of how we performed -because we were classmates! To show gratitude to the teachers, parents and to prepare for the upcoming school year. But most importantly it was for my own introspection. Nobody else mattered. I had to be the only person who could and should analyze the results and chart the course ahead. Of course, there would be times in my life when my ‘results’ would be subject to a wider scrutiny and would result in some ‘life altering’ decisions. But that was for future. What mattered now was ME and the piece of paper that lay in my hand. Alas! This realization came to me much later in my school years. But when it did come, I put myself into a habit of ignoring the noises around me and introspecting my shortcomings while I took pride on the areas I thought I did well.
Eventually as a ‘grown up’, I did realize that your ‘results’ – professionally or academically were not meant to be an isolated phenomenon and that perceptions did matter. However, it hardly helped in genuine introspection or course correction since the frame of reference was never static. As like the school days, the ‘journey’ was never discussed while dealing with the ‘results’. I have still carried on with the habit of self-introspection in solitude. For those moments in my life, the world ceases to exist.
Happy anniversary Mr. Modi!!!
